Individuality and giving up

It’s time for another school blaming post, because school is the most irritating thing in the world right now for me. As you could see, I missed my Friday’s post. I’m sorry for that, but I was in a cinema and I didn’t have time to write some post through the week. The reason? The goddamned school!

The teachers always tell us that we should care about our future, prepare for the university, do more than it is necessary, but when you actually try to do it and be better than the rest of the people, they don’t support you and they give you even more work to do. And this is what I don’t get. I know it’s a part of the success – you have to work really hard and prioritize things, but how am I supposed to get good grades at school, write everything I have to, do all the work I have to, help out at home, eat healthy, exercise, have some social life and hobbies and sleep eight hours a day? That’s fairly impossible nowadays. You just have to make priorities. I did mine, but I wish I could do all the things  I want to do.

To get what I want, I gave up on my grades. I mean… they’re not bad. When I gave up, I mean I don’t get only A’s, but I also have some B’s and C’s. Nothing extremely huge, but it still means a lot to me. Also, I don’t help out at home as much as I should. I don’t eat as healthy as I would like to, because I don’t have enough time to cook my meal. I stopped watching YouTube videos, I gave up on playing RPG games, I even closed some plans with my friends just to get more time to do the necessary work. And I’m still fine with that, because I do it for my future. I do it so it’s not so difficult when I’m older. Even now, I can thank my 10-years-old self for reading so many books and writing those stories I’ve never showed anyone. They weren’t good, but they made me continue and day by day, year by year, they made me better.

However, I wish my teachers would know this and would help me out a bit. Sometimes, I get four hours of sleep a day (with no dinner), just because I have to do so much stuff and then I have to learn for three tests I’m taking the next day. I know that partly, it’s my fault, because I could definitely try to plan my time better, but on the other hand, I’d welcome some help. I know. If I don’t tell them, they won’t know. And I don’t want to tell them. I don’t like promoting myself, telling people to check out my work, to help me out. But sometimes it’s the only way to go. I’ve read somewhere that dealing with struggle makes you strong, but asking for help makes you even stronger and yes, this has a point.

It’s like an hour after midnight and I’m just trying to write this post to keep my readers satisfied, but I feel like I would have done better if I didn’t write anything at all. Just – if you’re reading this and you have the same problem – don’t give up. Sometimes I feel like I want to give up everything, live normal teenage life, go to parties instead of trying to get this job as an editor, stop trying to improve myself and just be satisfied with who I already am, but then I realize that I’m not like this. I’m so motivated to be someone better, to do more, to improve my skills and abilities, that I don’t want to throw away all I’ve done. There’s always something to fight for, even if it seems unreal. Take the dream and make it a plan, that’s all I can say.

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