Fear of disappointing

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obr1Beautiful view, isn’t it? Well, I went for a walk few days ago and I stopped here. It’s a place where huntsmen are training and doing other stuff. However that day, there was absolutely no one but me. I was sitting there, reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, watching the sunset and thinking. I was thinking a lot.

These days are difficult for me. I’ve got two big things, two big problems I can’t tell anyone about, but I have to solve them. First of them is not very my problem… it’s actually huge problem of many people, but I was authorized to solve it. The person who made me do it also told me to not tell anyone. How the hell can I solve it, if I can’t tell anyone? I’m not very sure what to do. However that’s not the problem. The problem is that I’m worried. I feel a fear. Fear of disappointing. I’m really worried I’ll disappoint the person, who authorized me, because if there’s one person I don’t want to disappoint, then it’s him. My model, the person who taught me so many things. He taught me to believe in yourself, to be strong, to have responsibility, to be independent. I don’t wanna disappoint him.

The second problem is… well, very mine. That’s not about I can’t tell anyone, but I don’t want to tell anyone. (And that’s exactly the reason, why I’m typing on blog. I know, very clever.) It’s my private thing, but I think you’re intelligent so you can guess what it can be. Unfortunately, one person I would like to confide to is now in the mountains somewhere in Austria or Italy…

However… I’m going to the tea room today in the afternoon, so I hope I’ll find some positive thoughts. It would be very bad, to spend holidays in negative thoughts, I have to move on.

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